theFutonPoncho » Religion

British Uniforms Banned Amidst Beheading Threats

Paddy Wallbouncer — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 17:37:39 +0000

The British government has caved to Islamist extremism against the British Royal Air Force (RAF) Wittering in Peterborough. There have been incidents of verbal abuses against the RAF servicemen, and in response, the RAF management has ordered their servicemen not to wear uniforms in public.

This is not the first time servicemen have been given such commands. Extremists have made credible threats in other parts of Britain including Yorkshire and Birmingham. One included a threat to kidnap and behead a member of the military.

We’ll keep you informed of this and other entertaining news.

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Scientology Fraud Exposed Ex-Scientology Kids Speak

Paddy Wallbouncer — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 22:07:42 +0000

ExScientology Kids
I was born. I grew up I escaped.

This is the header of the new website www.ExScientologyKids.com

They explain right from the beginning that they are attempting to be non-judgmental, but that doesn’t mean non-biased. The three women who started the website; Kendra Wiseman, Jenna Miscavige Hill and Astra Woodcraft explain that they grew up with scientology, and left for various reasons. One said she was allegedly pressured by the church to have an abortion, and another is directly related to the current leader David Miscavige. They obviously have some credibility.

The website starts off from the first page protecting itself from the litigious church by explaining they have not printed any copy written materials, other than those words or phrases that could be considered “fair use.” They go on to explain some of the lingua franca and acronyms of the church (some of these were recently featured in the story about the January 2008 release of the Tom Cruise video here and it’s follow up by fellow actor Jerry O’Connell here )
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Here’s a quote from the site:

What do the OT3 materials say?

This may be really difficult for lower-level Scientologists to believe, but here goes: In the OT3 materials basically say that 75 million years ago, an evil being named Xenu decided to solve a population problem on his galactic colony by exiling a bunch of people to Earth. Xenu then did a ton of horrible things to these people, like drugging them, placing their bodies around a volcano, and blowing them up with H-bombs.

Are these three just acting out as many people do when they grow up? We think not. They probably wish they were born with theFutonPoncho instead of a tinfoil beanie. If you want a good laugh, you might want to check this website out. If you read the authors testimonials, it might even make you sick. It is an excellent read Who knows how long it will be up before the churches lawyers have it pulled, so hurry up!

We’ll keep you informed of this and other entertaining news.

Have you ever tried RSS? It’s where you add websites headlines to your homepage. We’ve made a video that shows you how. See it here

Spelling in this story is correct and can be used for reference however common mistyped words include miscavage, miscavidge, sientology, sceintology, tom cruse, jerrie oconnel, exsientolegy, scientolagy, astra woodcraff, kendra wizemann ,wisemann, wizeman

Mormon Massacre Mountain Meadows Utah

Paddy Wallbouncer — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 06:09:09 +0000

In 1857, a massacre took place in Mountain Meadow Utah. Only until very recently has it leaked that the massacre was initiated by members of the Mormon Church, and not the Paiute Indians as it was originally reported. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints apologized for the event on September 11, 2007 but deny that church leader Brigham Young had any involvement.

Chairwoman of the Paiute Indian Tribe of Southern Utah, Lora Tom explained that due to fear of Church reprisals the tribe kept silent on the issue, and they were never asked for their account of the killings where 120 men woman and children were killed as they moved West from Arkansas and Missouri.

Look for Black Diamond Pictures release of September Dawn starring Jon Voight and Terence Stamp. Directed by Chris Cain, who has the Young Guns movie to his credit said he “hopes groundwork is laid for reconciliation –and recognition of the dangers of religious extremism in any form.”

We’ll keep you informed of this and other entertaining news.

Lane Bryant Victims Funeral Protest

Paddy Wallbouncer — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 06:34:16 +0000

theFutonPoncho gets its share of wacko emails, but this must surely take the cake. The next time you are going to send around an email extolling the evils of Muslims and Islamic jihad, you only need to look out your back door. After all, Timothy McVeigh went to his death believing he was a patriot.

A Group lead by Fred Phelps, founder of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka Kansas regularly travels the country protesting funerals. Yes. They protest funerals. How nice, you might think, they truly feel for the poor victims families and want to protest their untimely death. No.

They are protesting the War in Iraq and the United States in general, saying that soldiers are dying in Iraq and Afghanistan because of “homosexuals and other sins of America” One member even suggested the recent Lane Bryant shootings in Tinley Park was “God’s will.”

This group of fun loving Christians are scheduled to demonstrate on February 11th in Blue Island Illinois where Lt David Schultz 82nd Airborne will be put to rest. They’re also planning a picketing of Lane Bryant Victims: Sarah Szafranski of Oak Forest, and Connie Woolfolk or Flossmoor.

How do you think the planning for this came down? “Hey we’re going to wreck this young soldier’s funeral, and were in town… why not burn a cross at those Godless Lane Bryant shoppers funerals too?”

Blue Island? They’re going to do this in Blue Island, Illinois? Westboro Baptist Congregation: you’re not in Kansas anymore. Thanks for the proof to the adage: There’s no accounting for taste. We’ll keep you informed of this and other twisted news.

Commonly mistyped items for this story are: Connie Woolfok, Woofolk, Sarah Safranski, David Shulz, Lane Briant, Layne Bryant, Timothy Mcvey, Illionois Flosmoor, Flossmore

Maharishi Mahesh Yogi Beatles Indian Guru Dies

Paddy Wallbouncer — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 06:38:34 +0000

Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, who gained celebrity through his association with the Beatles in 1968, is reportedly dead. Yogi used Transcendental Meditation to reach new levels of spiritual awareness. Dr. Hook parodied the association in his song “Cover of the Rolling Stone” with the lyrics: “We’ve got a genuine Indian Guru, teachin’ us a better way”

Mahesh Yogi wrote a book which sold over a million copies entitled the “Science of Being and Art of Living” which was translated into 15 languages. Last week he stepped down as the leader of the Transcendental Movement which has 5 million followers worldwide. Maharaja Nader Raam was appointed the new global leader for the movement.

Yogi’s message could be summarized in this 1967 quote: “Being happy is of the utmost importance. Success in anything is through happiness. Under all circumstances be happy … Just think of any negativity that comes at you as a raindrop falling into the ocean of your bliss”

The scary thing about this story is now three out of five of the key players of this story are dead. Minus John Lennon and George Harrison, surviving Beatles are Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr. The rest are across the Universe. Yes corny, but intended. Common mistypes for this story are: Ringo Star, Paul Mcartney, John Lenon, Beetles, Betles, Mahareeshi, mahareshe, mahareshi, jogi, transendental transandental. We’ll keep you informed of this and other entertaining news.