theFutonPoncho wonders “how do you sleep at night?”

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Deep male voice slowly: sheri, see voo play da la cafe in la chaams eel ezaaay…

She responds deliberately: Garbage Bag…

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We’ll keep you informed of this and other entertaining news.

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We’ll keep you informed of this and other entertaining news.

Have you ever tried RSS? It’s where you add our website headlines to your homepage. Click the RSS icon in the sidebar to add us. We’ve made a video that shows you how. See it here

Wasn’t it a few years back we were all hearing how Marijuana and alcohol use leads to harder drugs? –and by harder drugs it was usually understood they meant heroin? Er wait, not Alcohol, that just leads to peculiar bumps in the female anatomy and liver disease in both sexes. Maybe the first part explains why it is still legal, but we digress.

The new word on the street is that Attention deficit drugs like Ritalin and Aderall are leading people to experiment with harder opiate drugs (heroine in the prescription form) and opiate substitute drugs like OxyContin, Vicodin, and Percocet –and the OD rates are alarming.

Leonard J. Paulozzi is an epidemiologist (someone who studies disease outbreaks) with the Center for Disease Control (CDC). Recently explained that mortality rates from drug overdoses are currently four to five times greater than they were during heroin’s heyday of the 70’s (See the history based movie American Gangster with Denzell Washington and Russel Crowe) and double the level of Crack Cocaine’s heyday (see the history based move “Blow” with Johnny Depp)

Those movies depict bent businessmen listed respectively: Frank Lucas and George Jung who become drug Kingpins of North America selling high quality Heroine and Cocaine into the United States from foreign sources. Now that we know these Attention deficit drugs are leading to harder legal prescription drugs, what will the next step be for the National War on Drugs? Pharmaceutical company busts? Doctor Office Raids? Insurance company asset seizure? We’ll be waiting with baited anticipation to see the next bigscreen hit: “Novartis Man: The story of Marcus Welby’s rise and fall.”

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Illinois legislature recently passed a law requiring parents to have their children pass an eye exam before they are allowed to attend school. The wording on the street is that optometrists are “worried” about a summer rush of customers. Worried my ass. They’re licking their chops at all the new business. There is no doubt that having an eye exam for children is the right thing to do, but creating laws to require it? Doesn’t that seem a bit excessive? What’s next? Water boarding for no-breakfast infractions?

Some guy marches into cell block A carrying his toothbrush and blanket in front of him. wolf whistles and screams of your “you’re my bitch” are heard from the not to distant row of second floor cells. He gets into his cell and his new roommate Bubba asks him what he’s in for.

“Don’t mess with me man,” he says, “I’m a habitual offender” Which is true since he’s been busted three times for smoking in a bar, child neglect for eye exam infractions, failing to wear a seatbelt on a two mile ride to his local grocery store, and not wearing a helmet when he rides his motorcycle. Bubba backs off, “Man… you’re cold blooded.”

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