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Prison Terms for Eye Exams

Filed under: Bizarre News,Law — Tags: , , , , , — Paddy Wallbouncer @ 10:19 am 2008 March 26

Nonie from Melbourne, Australia, A-Block at Alcatraz (2206096229), CC BY 2.0

theFutonPoncho may be gear to wear when your head is in the air, but it might also be something you put on, something you wear, to shield you from the outrageous-ness of everyday life in America. Everywhere you turn, laws are being enacted to “protect us” from the outside world. Has anyone thought to take into consideration how we’ll enforce all these laws?

Illinois legislature recently passed a law requiring parents to have their children pass an eye exam before they are allowed to attend school. The wording on the street is that optometrists are “worried” about a summer rush of customers. Worried my ass. They’re licking their chops at all the new business. There is no doubt that having an eye exam for children is the right thing to do, but creating laws to require it? Doesn’t that seem a bit excessive? What’s next? Water boarding for no-breakfast infractions?

Some guy marches into cell block A carrying his toothbrush and blanket in front of him. wolf whistles and screams of your “you’re my bitch” are heard from the not to distant row of second floor cells. He gets into his cell and his new roommate Bubba asks him what he’s in for.

“Don’t mess with me man,” he says, “I’m a habitual offender” Which is true since he’s been busted three times for smoking in a bar, child neglect for eye exam infractions, failing to wear a seatbelt on a two mile ride to his local grocery store, and not wearing a helmet when he rides his motorcycle. Bubba backs off, “Man… you’re cold blooded.”

We’ll keep you informed of this and other entertaining news.

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